The imprinting on our hearts and head may have little to do with the person we first fell in love with.Īnd it may have everything to do with the feeling we felt - the romance, the nostalgia.ģ. It might even teach you about what you're looking for in love in the present.
It's OK to engage with the memories and the fantasy of your first love. Looking for your first love can create havoc in your life.Įspecially if you are married or in a committed relationship. With that, here are five hard truths about those times when you find yourself thinking of your first lover.ġ. But unfortunately, just because you fell in love with that person doesn't mean that he or she still would be the object of your desire in the present. even if it turned out poorly, even if we’re currently in a great relationship, even if we know it never would’ve worked.īecause we first felt that chemical rush when falling in love for the first time, it’s natural to associate that experience generally with your first love. It's because of these chemical reactions that we remember our first love so vividly. I describe the adrenaline flow, which puts us on high alert the rush of endorphins, and the oxytocin, which causes a deep longing to connect through all five of our senses to this other person, who attracts us so intensely. Dopamine triggers the reward center of the brain and causes us to feel that we don’t need to eat or sleep (which may be why someone once said that to fall in love is the best diet there is).
Typically, I will respond to these answers by describing how certain chemicals flood our bodies when we fall in love. I get similar answers every time, and most people respond instantly, without even having to think or remember. And I often start by asking audience members to describe the sensations and feelings they felt the first time they fell in love. As a couples’ therapist, I often give talks about love.